Tuesday, 10 May 2011

Episode 1 Review

All the hype and publicity prior to the new series is over, but was it worth it? The simple answer, yes! As previously mentioned, the 16 candidates are this year plying their trade to impress Lord Alan of Sugar and earn a £250k startup fund for a joint business venture with him. This raises the question, why isn't the show renamed 'The Joint Business Venture with the Sugar Monster'? Lord Sugar clearly has no idea.

**IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE EPISODE YET, YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T READ ON**

Now onto the episode. As is the norm in the first episode, we are introduced to the incompetent candidates who it seems have been briefed to explain why they should win the show using only a metaphor. Alan Sugar then waffles on about how he used to sell ice creams and inflatable sheep to cockneys and how his experience will be more valuable than anyone on Earth could even imagine. And finally, we are introduced to our teams, with the usual initial teams split into girls and boys (which seems to include a girl, however I have been reliably informed it is in fact a bloke with long wavy hair). The first job was to come up with team names, so while the boys ironically stumped for 'Logic', the girls chose 'Galvanize'.


Onto the task. Sir Alan gave each team a huge £250 to spend on fruit and veg to sell the following day for a profit. 'Logic' lead by Edward Hunter, who is the least proud Accountant I've ever seen, decided to make orange juice and soup. 2 problems with this idea. 1) Ed didn't know what oranges looked like. 2) No-one knew how to make soup. Bravo lads, you make me proud to be male!

"Lets make soup, like we have never made soup before"
"We have never made soup before"

The blokes ended up buying 1400 oranges, proceeded to break the automatic juicers and were left to try to squeeze them out themselves. They ended up missing the breakfast trade, before giving up on trying to squeeze them all and went out selling. The business model was sound, with a 700% profit margin, but without a team of orange squeezing monkeys it was never going to work. The girls on the other hand decided to make fruit pots, filled mainly with pineapple chunks to help fill them out. As usually happens in the first show, the men lost and it was down to Ed to shoot himself in the foot with numerous half finished sentences, comments about being short affecting his chances and generally rolling with the punches. He was consequently fired and doing the reputation of Accountants no favours, showed his substantially lacklustre social skills by walking out the room without muttering the mandatory "thanks for the opportunity".


So onto episode 2, as soon as I hear anything about it, I will let you know on the blog and on twitter @2011Apprentice.

Did you think Ed should've been fired? Let us know and comment away below.

Reminder, episode 2 is on Wed 12th May at 9pm BBC One.





By Jon Shed with No comments

Tonight's Project Managers



Rumours are rife that team leaders for tonight will be Edward Hunter and Melody Hossaini. Who will be the first casualty?





By Jon Shed with No comments

Thursday, 5 May 2011

The Preview


It has returned. BAFTA Award winning The Apprentice is back for it's 7th Series and will no doubt be full of more of Britain's idiots attempting to make money. It worries me that the candidates that appear on the show are allegedly among the best business brains in the country, it really does!

The line-up for the show has been announced, but before I go onto the latest bunch of halfwits, it is worth mentioning that this year the candidates are not vying for a job working for Sir Lord Mr Alan Sugar, they are competing to run a business which he will invest £250,000 in. Probably a clever move from the Sugar Monster as I wouldn't want the majority of the candidates on the show anywhere near my business...and I'm unemployed!

Here is the line up (with photos so you can judge them before they even open their mouths):

Leon Doyle

"I don't like your gimmicky salesman who thinks he can sell ice to an Eskimo. Chances are he can't, and why would an Eskimo buy ice?"

Preview Verdict: He'll probably be fired for being politically incorrect...aren't we supposed to call them Inuits.
Chance of winning 4/10



Alex Britez Cabral

"If you are successful, you are unpopular, so unpopularity is a good thing."

Preview Verdict: He'll probably end up being quite popular and consequently being fired in the first week.
Chance of winning 1/10



Melody Hossaini

"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon"

Preview Verdict: I thought the moon was in the sky.
Chance of winning 6/10



Felicity Jackson

"Lord Sugar will probably find it difficult to ever say anything negative to me because I always turn it round to a positive"

Preview Verdict: My early favourite due to her being the most attractive.
Chance of winning 10/10



Edna Agbarha

"Weak people in business are a waste of space and a limp handshake is unforgivable"

Preview Verdict: One of the most successful people I know has a limp handshake.
Chance of winning 3/10



Susan Ma

"I'm short, sweet and smiley but when I do business, I mean business"

Preview Verdict: She seems vaguely normal, so will probably sit back and let others shoot themselves in the foot before being fired when Alan Sugar thinks she is the cleaner.
Chance of winning 5/10



Ellie Reed

"I don't like lazy people & dole dossers that don't want to work. I don't like posh kids who have everything on a plate"

Preview Verdict: I don't like her.
Chance of winning 1/10



Helen Milligan

"I see my job as my complete life. I work 24/7. There isn't a cut off"

Preview Verdict: She scares me. Scary people normally make it midway through.
Chance of winning 5/10



Natasha Scribbens

"I'm like a really fine tuned switch. If I need to turn it down then I turn it down. If I need to turn it up, then I turn it up"

Preview Verdict: I don't know what a really fine tuned switch is, but have a feeling it could come in useful on the show.
Chance of winning 7/10



Vincent Disneur

"My positive approach and very good looks make me stand out from the crowd"

Preview Verdict: Your personality makes you stand out from the crowd as a massive twat.
Chance of winning -5/10



Jim Eastwood

"I'm not a show pony, or a one-tricky pony. I'm not a jack-ass or a stubborn mule, and I'm definitely not a wild stallion that needs to be tamed. I am the champion thoroughbred that this process requires"

Preview Verdict: Another Stuart 'The Brand' Baggs with his pony analogies.
Chance of winning 8/10



Edward Hunter

"I'm the wheeler dealer who accidentally became a finance professional and wants out"

Preview Verdict: Another early favourite in my eyes. Not a cliché in sight.
Chance of winning 9/10



Gavin Winstanley

"I want to be a big name in UK business. I'm everything. I'm all mouth. I'm a doer. I'm a leader"

Preview Verdict: All mouth...and a doer. You can't really be all mouth then.
Chance of winning 4/10



Tom Pellereau

"For me The Apprentice is a bit like the Olympics or the World Cup for entrepreneurs. I want to challenge myself, find out if I am ready to step up to this level"

Preview Verdict: Worst analogy of the lot of them.
Chance of winning 0/10



Glenn Ward

"Aggression isn't the best form of strength... I bring a marriage of technical thinking with a bit of salesman bravado"

Preview Verdict: I like his suit and I reckon he's the favourite.
Chance of winning 10/10



Zoe Beresford

"I will do whatever it takes to win"

Preview Verdict: Seems like a bit of a bitch. Expect raised voices and screaming in the board room.
Chance of winning 6/10


The new series starts on Tuesday 10th May at 9pm on BBC One and don't forget You're Fired on straight afterwards on BBC Two.

Before the first show, who do you reckon will win? Leave a comment and make sure you vote in the poll below.





By Jon Shed with 3 comments