It has returned. BAFTA Award winning The Apprentice is back for it's 7th Series and will no doubt be full of more of Britain's idiots attempting to make money. It worries me that the candidates that appear on the show are allegedly among the best business brains in the country, it really does!
The line-up for the show has been announced, but before I go onto the latest bunch of halfwits, it is worth mentioning that this year the candidates are not vying for a job working for Sir Lord Mr Alan Sugar, they are competing to run a business which he will invest £250,000 in. Probably a clever move from the Sugar Monster as I wouldn't want the majority of the candidates on the show anywhere near my business...and I'm unemployed!
Here is the line up (with photos so you can judge them before they even open their mouths):
"I don't like your gimmicky salesman who thinks he can sell ice to an Eskimo. Chances are he can't, and why would an Eskimo buy ice?"
Preview Verdict: He'll probably be fired for being politically incorrect...aren't we supposed to call them Inuits.
Chance of winning 4/10
"If you are successful, you are unpopular, so unpopularity is a good thing."
Preview Verdict: He'll probably end up being quite popular and consequently being fired in the first week.
Chance of winning 1/10
"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon"
Preview Verdict: I thought the moon was in the sky.
Chance of winning 6/10
"Lord Sugar will probably find it difficult to ever say anything negative to me because I always turn it round to a positive"
Preview Verdict: My early favourite due to her being the most attractive.
Chance of winning 10/10
"Weak people in business are a waste of space and a limp handshake is unforgivable"
Preview Verdict: One of the most successful people I know has a limp handshake.
Chance of winning 3/10
"I'm short, sweet and smiley but when I do business, I mean business"
Preview Verdict: She seems vaguely normal, so will probably sit back and let others shoot themselves in the foot before being fired when Alan Sugar thinks she is the cleaner.
Chance of winning 5/10
"I don't like lazy people & dole dossers that don't want to work. I don't like posh kids who have everything on a plate"
Preview Verdict: I don't like her.
Chance of winning 1/10
"I see my job as my complete life. I work 24/7. There isn't a cut off"
Preview Verdict: She scares me. Scary people normally make it midway through.
Chance of winning 5/10
"I'm like a really fine tuned switch. If I need to turn it down then I turn it down. If I need to turn it up, then I turn it up"
Preview Verdict: I don't know what a really fine tuned switch is, but have a feeling it could come in useful on the show.
Chance of winning 7/10
"My positive approach and very good looks make me stand out from the crowd"
Preview Verdict: Your personality makes you stand out from the crowd as a massive twat.
Chance of winning -5/10
"I'm not a show pony, or a one-tricky pony. I'm not a jack-ass or a stubborn mule, and I'm definitely not a wild stallion that needs to be tamed. I am the champion thoroughbred that this process requires"
Preview Verdict: Another Stuart 'The Brand' Baggs with his pony analogies.
Chance of winning 8/10
"I'm the wheeler dealer who accidentally became a finance professional and wants out"
Preview Verdict: Another early favourite in my eyes. Not a cliché in sight.
Chance of winning 9/10
"I want to be a big name in UK business. I'm everything. I'm all mouth. I'm a doer. I'm a leader"
Preview Verdict: All mouth...and a doer. You can't really be all mouth then.
Chance of winning 4/10
"For me The Apprentice is a bit like the Olympics or the World Cup for entrepreneurs. I want to challenge myself, find out if I am ready to step up to this level"
Preview Verdict: Worst analogy of the lot of them.
Chance of winning 0/10
"Aggression isn't the best form of strength... I bring a marriage of technical thinking with a bit of salesman bravado"
Preview Verdict: I like his suit and I reckon he's the favourite.
Chance of winning 10/10
"I will do whatever it takes to win"
Preview Verdict: Seems like a bit of a bitch. Expect raised voices and screaming in the board room.
Chance of winning 6/10
The new series starts on Tuesday 10th May at 9pm on BBC One and don't forget You're Fired on straight afterwards on BBC Two.
Before the first show, who do you reckon will win? Leave a comment and make sure you vote in the poll below.
3 comments:
Felicity's cleavage earned her my vote.
Those chebs are phenomenal.
Hahah, guess the punt on Edward didn't turn out too well!
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